I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
