No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
