Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
