You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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