Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize