Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
