My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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