The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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