Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
