I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
