he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
