ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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