conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
