So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
