I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
