Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
