it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
