The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
