There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
