Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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