Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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