So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
