apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
