accomplished twins. life is a go
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
