i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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