96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
