she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
