The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
