how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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