Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
