What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize