I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it glows. i had to have it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
