Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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