My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
