physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
