Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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