She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
