I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
