You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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