ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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