I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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