I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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