Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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