you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
