man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
