I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
