She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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