We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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