I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
