I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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