That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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