He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
