I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
