This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
