My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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