One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
