you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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