and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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