I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
