I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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