you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
