VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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