Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
