Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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