4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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