Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize