How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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