so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
