the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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