You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize