they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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