I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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