i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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