He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
