is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
and you fell through a lawn chair
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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