Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
