hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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