OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
