I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her vagine was all disorganized.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
