I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
