Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
