I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
