Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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