i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm too high and old for this...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
