Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
