just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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