Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is my gift to your gina
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
