You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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