Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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