i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
