I cockslap morals
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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