Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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